Sick

Ugh, I'm getting sick. Or, I am sick. You know. But, at least it's summer. And I handled my couple's intake with sickness just fine last night. Yup. I slept a ton last night and am aggressively hydrating,e tc, to try to avoid my trademark bronchitis. (2 month long bronchitis, copyright 2004).

I am extremely opposed to internet therapy for various reasons. However, I think I could provide Blog Analysis. Here's the deal: I read your blog for several years, and point out the themes and trends that I notice. I think this comes from peeking in on the blog of someone that I was friends with for nearly a decade. Thus, I've read her blog on and off through highschool, college, and now the years after. It's all right there, you know. "Did you notice how you're always miserable and become convinced that you'll finally be Truly Happy when you start the next life phase? And that in each new stage you're happy for a few months before you decide that everyone in your life is making you miserable and you'll be Truly Happy when you start your next life phase?" Or perhaps there could be some software program that identifies themes that recur over more than two years. (Obviously, I'm kidding. But I do think that we should all look over the written history of our lives once in a while and notice what we're doing over and over and over.)

I'm feeling vaguely down today, which usually happens when my lungs are revolting.

I babysat for the last time yesterday for two months. He's such a sweetheart, and his parents told me that he called out for me in his sleep the other night. So sweet! Two months of no "Kissy! Aqui!" of him calling me over to sit next to him, or calling: "Kissy! Puppy!" asking me to read him "Snuggle Puppy", or dancing with him doing silly spins.

I can't believe that I'm taking comps. I feel ready and all (I mean, ready once I do all the reading, etc.), but it actually feels like it's gone so quickly. I've technically been at this school for 6 years now. I really grew up here, arriving as a fairly screwed up 18 year old and taking some time to sort myself out. Six years later, things aren't perfect, but I have my little family that I love and a career that makes me happy.

There are times when I have these weird flashes back to freshman year -- sitting in the Union with Heather smoking all afternoon and taking pictures of the disgusting greasy food containers. Or finding my roommate freaking out on her bed after she overdosed. Or getting drunk at my brother's house and puking out the car window on the way home. And the "Magical Turkey" that used to dance on the freshman hall. Oh, and the time the freaked out Very Catholic Boy found a pair of my underwear in the washing machine and couldn't speak to me for months. Or the Even More Catholic Boy who cried about his love for the church on our first (and only!) date. And, finally, the hallmate who used to run around like a headless chicken bumping into walls when she was angry with her roommate.

So, now, 6 years later, it's strange to still be here, teaching, taking classes, and doing therapy.

I randomly read this article on the psychology of clothing yesterday. I have to admit that I have a strange collection of clothes that I will never wear again but that remind me of things. Of course, there's my wedding gown, probably the most symbolic item I own. It's extremely normal to keep it. But then there's the bloodstained sweatshirt that I have had hidden away for 10 years now, reminding me of the day when I was so scared that my friend's slit wrists wouldn't stop bleeding. There's the striped shirt I bought in the 6th grade that I still wear sometimes. And then there's a ripped cammo tank top that I keep similarly tucked away to remind myself.

I guess I should get back to work, although I'm not extremely productive when I'm sick...