An open letter to my department

Dear Department:

Let's review what my class has gone through in our 4 years in your program.

Let's start with the classmate who had a major break. Oh, yeah, you know...the one who showed up here covered in her own vomit saying that she's Jesus while rubbing her hyterically pregnant belly? Yeah, her. We could have used some help with her. You know, like...when we asked you to help us with her! I know that you, for example, gave me a key to a 'secret office' after I complained about an involuntary exorcism. We all had nightmares for a full year. I still don't answer my phone until someone actually begins to leave a message.

For about a year in there, we just struggled with your normal bullshit: having professors ignore us for months at a time, having a professor essentially whacking off in front of us, etc. But we got through. We even got through comps with minimal complaints. We each had our small moments (mine involved you forgetting to turn in my degree application and having a professor think I'm in the wrong year long enough to mistakenly send me a letter telling me that I had passed comps before anyone had even READ my comps...), but we all got through.

So now...it's time for the diss. We're all ready. We've all been working on things. So, when you give us a deadline and a set of conditions for earning the equivalent of 6 grand in credits...well...it's a big deal to us. Like...a REALLY BIG deal. (Remember...6 grand is half of what we earn in a year BEFORE taxes!) And, when you change your mind and then tell us to "get busy" working on things to meet your new and far worse deadline....PLEASE do not emphasize what a nice guy you are in the e-mail.

All I can say is...you better remember to buy us our damn going away mugs....



Don't get me wrong. I think that we've gotten absolutely excellent training. But it's so damn dysfunctional around this place!