Proposal in a Crate

As I prepare to haul my sneezing, coughing, aching self into the car with my husband and brother to travel up to my parents' house for Thanksgiving, I am packing my "proposal in a crate."

There is no time to avoid the dissertation, so I am taking my crate to work on while I'm up there. My proposal crate is probably the only truly organized thing in our apartment. I mean, hell, even my "pyjama drawer" also has socks and underwear in it, too!

The Proposal Crate has alphabetized subcategories, including disability rights, neuropsychology, and autoethnography. Each of these has subcategories. (ecological NP, history of NP, forensic NP, test administration and NP...) It is inventoried. There are printed summary sheets of each folder's contents, with alphebetized annotated bibliographies. Each folder has its "partner folder" of those (alphebetized and categorized) articles that I have not yet highlighted and put into the annotated bibliography or into the summary sheet. The folders are color-coded.

So, I take this to the house of the woman who maintains that I am constitutionally incapable of organization. I think that this will piss her off more, though...it shows that for all these years, I just didn't really want to organize stuff!

Only at my Unviersity...

Only at my university was the library closed over the weekend.

Only at my university is the library catalogue deactivated due to "routine maintenance" three weeks before final exams.

Only at my university are graduate students reprimanded for "printing too much."

Only at my university is the concept of "diversity" somehow transformed into "anti-profanity week."

Only at my university is a GSA a topic of extreme controversy.

scaring off students

So, a high school student attended my class last night. She has to "shadow" someone in the field that she thinks she'd like to go into. First, she really seemed to struggle with my insistence that no, she CANNOT observe a therapy session. I tried to explain and said: "Well, look...how would you feel if you went to talk to a therapist and someone else observed." It seemed to me that the concept of her attending therapy was simply unfathomable.

But, okay. She went to my class. I can't imagine the poor girl's report. "Okay, so I met this grad student, and she showed me a therapy room, and then we went to Starbucks and she bought a lot of caffeine, and we went to her class, and a bunch of other grad students did a performance. And then after that the class talked about how it's okay to be disabled."

I think I utterly terrified her. She asked me about what a "typical day" is like for me, and her eyes continued to widen as I described therapy, supervision, practicum, classes, teaching, dissertation proposal, and trying to have a life. The poor girl HADN'T HEARD of grad sc hool. When she started to add up the number of years between high school and a Ph.D., she almost freaked.

I tried to be reassuring, I really did. I said: "Well...you just take it one thing at a time. And it's not too bad." But I said this with huge circles under my eyes and a venti cappucino in hand.

Well...at least she'll know?

Managing your Committee 101: Lesson 1: Scheduling a Meeting with your Director.

The following tactics are designed to help you to connect with your director so that a meeting between the two of you can be arranged. They should be tried in order, because the tactics increase in difficulty. It should be noted that tactics 5 and up have not been tested, and their safety and side effects have not yet been assessed.

1) The E-mail Ask: Simply e-mail your director with a request to meet with you to talk about the dissertation.
a) Describe the objectives of the meeting.
b) Suggest a place of meeting where your director likes to hang out.
c) Offer a range of times for your director to choose from, particularly noting times that have worked for your director in the past.

2) The Phone Call: Call your director in reference to your potential meeting.
a) Phrase your message carefully such that your advisor is not embarrassed that he has not gotten back in touch with you.
ex.: "Hi! I bet my e-mail landed in your trash-bin by mistake. I was calling to see if we could meet to talk about my proposal, maybe this weekend at *name of director's favorite coffee shop.*"

3) The Hover: This move involves hovering nearby your director while he/she attends departmental functions.
a) Silently slide up to your director as he/she talks to others after a talk. If he/she manages to escape, try again! Hover around your advisor until he/she has no choice but to acknowledge your existence. Consider positioning yourself between your director and the exit. Once this move has repeatedly failed for over 40 minutes or until your director is about to leave the building. When this happens, move onto The Tackle.

4) The Tackle: This is an advanced move that should only be used if your director has repeatedly escaped from The Hover . This move involves aprehending your retreating director.
a) After abandoning The Hover, casually enter conversation with students or faculty. Look as though you have lost sight of your director even as you keep an eye on his/her every move.
b) If possible, strike when you are between your director and the exit. If there are multiple exits, strike while your director is near the center of the room.
c) Suddenly and unexpectedly rush towards your director while shouting his/her name.
d) If you director attempts to retreat, do your best to back him/her into a corner.
e) Loudly ask your director if the two of you can meet. This is particularly effective if the department chair or Dean is in earshot.

5) The Babysitter: This move should only be attempted by those with experience in child care.
a) Bribe your director's typical babysitter to "need a night off" when your directors favorite academic is in town.
b) Rush to your director's assistance with an offer of babysitting.
c) Linger annoyingly in your director's living room until your director agrees to arrange a meeting.

6) The Double-Header: This move may be perceived as manipulative by your advisor. Use with caution. The move requires the assistant of at least one other directee.
a) Befriend your directors other directees.
b) Form an agreement to keep one another informed about scheduled meetings with the director.
c) Hover outside the door as the director meets with the other directee.
d) When the other directee pauses in the doorway to leave, wedge your body into the doorway.
e) Request a meeting.

7) The Stalker: This move is of questionable legality. Use only in extreme situations.
a) Take note of your director's patterns. Make a list of places that your director frequents.
b) Go to each one in turn with your dissertation stuff in tow.
c) When you bump into your director, act surprised, but boldly pull up a chair and whip out your proposal materials.
d) If possible, have several directees attempt this maneuver at once. Agree to call one another when the director is located.

Appendix A:
Further Tips for Arranging Meetings with your Director:
-Reward your director for communicating with you. Consider providing your director with treats. Make your director feel special and needed.

How to Handle Your Committee, 101

Note that I need to take this class, not teach it. I have taken the "month-ahead" approach with my director. This means that, a month before I think I need a meeting with him, I e-mail him and ask to meet ASAP. By the time he freaking replies to me and sets something up, a month has passed, and I am actually ready for our conversation. I had a snafu with this earlier...he only took ONE WEEK to get back to me, which left me flipped out and worried that I wasn't going to be able to have thigns ready on time to meet. He wrote that we could meet on Saturday. I asked him to tell me the time and place. (Un?)fortunately, he never e-mailed me back. So, I guess my month prediction is on target, but I just missed a few steps in there.

I am also considering the buddy system. He is possibly directing another dissertation, and I think that she and I should have a pact to remind him of the existence of the other directee when one of us does manage to have a meeting with him.

And then, there's the good ol' fashioned "stalker approach" in which she and I wander the coffee shops that he most often frequents with dissertation stuff in tow, just "happening" to run into him, and pulling up a chair. I haven't sunk to that, but I have to say...I can't absolutely guarantee that it won't get to that point.

Funny Undergrad Citing of the Day:
A male undergraduate on crutches was hobbling down the street trying to convince his friends that his next stunt won't go badly, he swears.