Utterly exhausted...

I should be utterly exhausted because it's the end of the semester and I have an insane amount of work to do. But no. I'm utterly exhausted because I had a migraine last night and had a hard time falling asleep as a result. And then my dear little kitty woke up at 3:30 am. And started to meow. And meow. And meow.

I brought him into bed with us, and he laid on my pillow purring for a few minutes, before promptly getting up, hopping off the bed and yowling his brains out some more.

I am freaking exhausted.

I had an 8am client scheduled. I arrived here at 7:40 (that way I can have a cup of coffee and unlock the session rooms, etc.). The client cancelled around 7:50.

That's good, because it gives me a few minutes to collect myself before I teach at 9am...I'm doing my "psych meds: the other side of the story" lecture. Assuming that I end up lecturing, and not simply babbling incoherently....

*Sigh*

Between the fever, the exhaustion, and the mindlessness of break, I forgot to write a client in the scheduling book. That means that I spent the entire day sitting here just in case. Brilliant, huh? It's actually been helpful, I have to say. I gave my independent study paper one last look-over and sent it on in. Now I'm hanging out for half an hour before meeting up with my hubby for dinner.

I've been frustrad for about the past week, feeling like I'm not DOING enough politically. I think the break away from community mental health (it was just a WEEK) roused those feelings. I really like my practicum (although, I am slightly annoyed by some of the higher-ups). It's a place where I can channel my activism and fight like hell. But even just a week away and I start to feel it climb up to my throat and try to strangle me. It confirms that I NEED to stay active, to fight like hell as long as I can.

Coming back to school today was hard as hell. I didn't want to get up, I didn't want to put on professional clothes, I didn't want to teach, I didn't want any of it.

Tomorrow should be better: I love the group at the hospital and it helps me to look forward to the day.

The end of semester is so damn exhausting....

But hey...my workload is realistically almost done:
2 20 page case formulations
1 30-40 (note how I changed that!) paper

Left to do:
1 dissertation proposal...

When I put it like that, it's not that bad, right?

*Looks scared*

It might be time to take a break when....

You realize that you have just typed the following sentence into an otherwise rigorously academic paper:

"They discussed their nuts."

Granted, my husband and I had just been discussing how our cat spends 80% of his time sleeping and 10% of his time licking his nuts. So there was a context.

I'm sick again. I have an appointment with the freaking health service tomorrow to get an inhaler. Sigh....

10 pages left to go!

I'm at the 3/4 mark on my independent study. *Chants: I think I can, I think I can!*

I saw the newfoundlands yesterday and had a very nice time, although all the dog fur convinced my nose to clog itself. It happens!

I have so much to do before we go up to my parents' house for Thanksgiving....finish this paper, clean out the refrigerator that is absolutely disgusting (this is a joint project with my husband. The refrigerator is nasty to the point that both of us felt too guilty to allow the other one to clean it alone.) , buy a new desk chair (another joint project-the cat has gotten his head stuck between the back and seat of the chair twice now.)...

And my classmate just reminded me that our comps proposals are due in February! ACKKK!!!!!!

Thanksgiving break

I supposedly begin Thanksgiving break tonight...

I'm babysitting tonight. Tomorrow I'm doing a neuropsych assessment, I' m seeing clients Monday-Wednesday and I'm working at the hospital on Tuesday. In between all of that, I'll be working on the remaining 25 pages of my independent study and starting my dissertation proposal before going up to visit my parents at the end of the week.

It's still better than having to teach and go to classes, and I can wear my husband's pyjamas and lie on the couch typing and drinking tea as much as I want. I plan to do a FEW fun things, perhaps visiting friends up at my parents' house, visiting my friend and her newfoundlands sometime next week, and going out with my college roommate. Not to mention, finishing this paper will be a TREMENDOUS relief.

Which takes me to the Saga of the Laptop:
Over a month ago, I plugged my beloved laptop in, and blue flame shot out of the back and the side. I promptly UNPLUGGED it and carted it off to the store. We signed an agreement authorizing up to $175 in repairs, and the store promised to call if repairs would be more than that. A few weeks went by, and we got a call that the repair would be between $1000 and $2000 dollars. No way! We denied authorization for the repairs, and I began procrastinating on finding a cheap used laptop.
Two days ago, we got a call from the aforementioend store, simply saying: "your item has been repaired and can be picked up at any time." Hmm. My husband called yesterday and explained that we had not authorized said repairs and would not pay for them. Eventually, he talked to a manager who said that we only owe $150. He said that the laptop was shipped to HP even though it's a Compaq which is why we got such a high estimate. I'm skeptical. I think they repaired the laptop without authorization, realized that they wouldn't get $1500 from us, and decided to charge an amount within our authorization.

Either way, I don't care. My laptop will be back and I spent less than a paycheck on it!

I had a high school student sit in my class today as part of her research project. She interviewed me. I guess I did alright, because she told me that now she's sure she'll go into psychology. Go me?

I'm in a weird place today...I'm not sick anymore but just a little bit tired. I have tons of work to do and break sounds like it won't be the most exciting thing I've ever done. At the same time, I feel very content. I'll cuddle my hubby and get work done...see my family, and check in with old friends if they're around. For whatever reason, I've been thinking about how much I really like my life...

I'm busy as hell, tired all the time, and frequently stressed out beyond belief. But I love what I do. I love my husband and I love our little apartment and family - us and our cat. I love teaching, I love doing therapy. I have good friends and colleagues. Things are good.

On that note...

More research and off to teach.

I DETEST our library!!!!!

I have a headache, a sore throat, and a general cold. I'm in that slightly dissociated sick space where everything hits me with added absurdity. I have a client coming in a few minutes.

I've been tryiing to research for my independent study, which is due immediately following break. Our pathetic excuse for a library pretends that it has citations, it pretends that it has articles. It doesn't. It even has this lovely thing called "Find It." It tells me it has found my articles. I click on the link, and...

"We're sorry. Your subscription doesn't cover this article."

GAHHHH!!!!!

I shall do some deep breathing so that I can be at least a tiny bit Zen for my clinical work....

It's been a long time...

I've gotten bad about updating. Alas, I'm getting bad at doing most things that are enjoyable! This week was extra intense for some reason.

I started babysitting my prof's baby and he's just adorable. And on Friday night, for $10 an hour, I sat on a futon, graded papers, and read the Piggle.

My hubby and I went to the outlet malls yesterday after a somewhat mandatory Saturday morning lecture on depression. (Believe me, I was GULPING coffee!) I felt like someone who hadn't been in civilization in a long time. I felt like someone from another country just visiting. I felt out of place and strange. I felt like a complete outsider and like I would be identified as some sort of alient. There were people milling around (even Amish women with Nike bags!) and everyone was in this shopping frenzy. I don't really like shopping, but my husband's sneakers had huge holes in them and my business casual wear is becoming pathetic. It was time. There was a certain frantic quality to the way in which everyone darted about chasing the sales. I heard several teenagers begging for possession of their parents credit cards. I know that the exhaustion contributed to the feeling, but it just seemed like I had emerged from my Ph.D. cave and forgotten about the rest of the world.

I talked about that with a classmate the other day. We're around psychologists and other doctoral students so much that we don't even KNOW how normal people talk to each other. Do they analyze dreams? Point out slips? Debate whether or not the concept of anima and animus is offensive? What do they do? Small talk at parties is difficult.

I went to a party a few weeks ago and felt like all anyone wanted to talk about was "tell me weird things about your clients." Yeah, um....no.

To top off the surreal feeling of the outlet mall was the farm that literally touches the parking lot. I'm talking "to your right, you'll see miles of parked cars. To your left, you'll notice cows grazing."

I need a nap!

Completely frazzled!

I'm always amazed at the power that professors have to instill immediate anxiety in me. I was sitting here, dutifully typing up a session note from this morning, when in walks a particular faculty member for whom I recently did a neuropsych assessment. He asks me if I have the report. I pull out my thumb drive and pull it up and hit print. He then says: "I can't look at it this week." I say okay and ask if he'd like me to just put it in his mailbox. He gets snotty: "Don't give it to me now!!" He leaves and I'm left dazed at the computer.

And oh crap....I just walked by his office and I only thought he had left for the day....meaning, he may have heard me making fun of him....*headache increases*

On top of that, I am waiting for the student government to get back to me about the appropriations meetings for tomorrow. Now, tomorrow I meet with a supervisor at the hospital at 8:30, I run a group from 9:30-11:30, meet with a client from 11:45-12:30, another one from 12:30-1:15, then frantically write notes from all three things (including 18 session notes from the group), catch a bus at 2:30 to make it to a 3pm appointment on the other side of town, then catch another bus at 4pm to be on campus in time for my 6pm class that goes until 8:45. Somewhere in here, I am supposed to attend this appropriations meeting. That sounds fine, except that I can't GO to the meeting unless it's at my "preferred time." And I can't find someone to go in my place unless I know the time!

Thirdly, I took a babysitting job (I know, I know, I'm overbooked, but we need money desperately.) I'm supposed to be hanging out with the baby from 4-7 on Monday, but one of my supervisors pulled some strings to get me into a special training from 1-4pm. Great, huh?

*Looks horribly frazzled*

I hate Wednesdays because I go from 8-7 with only an hour break total.....